I feel so strong
I feel so weak
Body so wrong
Mind so meek

I push myself up
But then let fall
Like I have no guts
And got no gall

How will I survive
This world of sin and men
When all I feel I am
Is a heart- paper thin?

I feel so strong
Need no rest
Is there not someone else
For me to best?

I feel so weak
Tired by my seat
Is there nowhere to go
Will I ever make it home?

I feel so dumb
A brave and stupid beast
Please god tell me
Where is heaven’s feast?

May I sit down
At your feet
And lick the bowl you place
Of left over meat?

I fail so much
And say so little
It’s a surprise to me
That your love is not brittle.

I find it odd that I couldn’t stop hearing Lana Del Rey’s Summer Time Sadness today while masturbating.

Coil around my heart
Divine snake of Freedom
Squeeze out my feelings
And eat me to death

Coiled round my finger
This obligatory ring
Stays forever branding
Me to be your queen

Disgust and abandon
Post well beside grandsons
When the pedophile lets you in
You forget to stop where you begin

Feeding your stomach
You glutton you gloat
Will satisfaction keep you alive
Will it keep you afloat?

You let me feel you
In ways too deep
Let me into the waters
So I may clean your feet

Don’t let go or I may sway
Say goodbye and I might fade
Taking all your hopes away
Your freedom, desires, could go
And your slave once free forever more.

I know that to her I am the ugly, stupid and disappointing daughter that she feared having and now holds in quiet contempt. Her hate surrounds me in searing walls of my own inferiority and I am at fault for the troubles of the universe. If I weren’t such a coward I would pretend that death would solve her problems but, ah, that too would be my fault. There is no way out until natural disasters take me by force and death brings the truest freedom known to man.

Watched yaoi for te first time in months- fuck yeah! Missed it so much even tho it’s soo bad!!!